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How the HOA Stole Christmas

The Grinch

With Christmas approaching, all the IslandWalk neighbors
Decorated their houses with holiday favors.
But woe to all of these unsuspecting old fools
For their homeowners’ assessments were about to come due.

In the mail comes an invoice, one each quarter exactly
For five hundred and change, it says matter-of-factly.
But this month the neighbors were shocked to discover
A bill of a size that would slay your dear mother.

“We regret to inform you” was not to be found!
(These HOA goons love to throw weight around.)
With nary a “why,” in fact no reason at all,
they want nearly a thousand, and that is not all!

“A necessary change, though undesirable it be
Requires us to collect, yes, down to each last penny
A full 60 percent of your 2006 dues
In the first bloody quarter. Daddy needs some new shoes!”

Oh the nerve! Oh the gall! Said this resident,
Who, after reading the letter, felt particularly spent.
I daresay the irony was not lost on me
Of the holiday timing to this humongous new fee.

As a Christmas surprise, it’s about as rude as it gets.
Though it won’t make a difference, I’ll submit my comments.
While festive decor and “Merry Christmas!” signs hang,
All you’ll hear is your wallet snapping shut with a bang!

So it just goes to show how much control you surrender
When your HOA Kommandants go off on a bender.
“Merry Christmas kind residents, pay your bills you should do.
Oh – and please move your pickup truck out of our view.”

[small]The preceding poem (with apologies to the late Dr. Seuss) was brought to you by our homeowner’s association, who today saw it fit to stick all of us poor saps with a bill, due on January 1st, for almost one thousand dollars — nearly twice as much as our usual quarterly assessment — for reasons unstated, part of an apparently permanent new billing scheme wherein 60% of the yearly dues are assessed during the Christmas season each year. Kudos to more brilliant leadership from the committee in charge of total senility.[/small]

2 thoughts on “How the HOA Stole Christmas

  1. We’ve got to find a way to post or send this. It’s just too creative; I love it!! Talent abounds. How ’bout an anonymous email from a blind address?

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