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Search For $A, Find $B: Six Month Catch-Up Edition

By Chief Oddball on July 24th, 2009 at 9:55 am

Filed under Site ··· 3 Comments

As part of this week’s ongoing celebration of the relaunch of Oddball Update (yaaayyyy…pass the Provigil), it’s time to check in with those wacky denizens of the Intarwebs and see what sort of ridiculous things they’ve been searching for when they, for better or for worse, stumbled upon my hidden underground lair. Although it’s only recently begun to occur to me that these posts do nothing but perpetuate the continuing folly of my site’s irrelevance to most of these queries, in the end I decided that I don’t care. Your amusement comes first!

So let’s get into it: I’ve got six months’ worth of Google Analytics data to comb through, and over 1,300 unique search queries that led people here. Most of them were again related to a former Battle Creek, MI-based restaurant chain that, in the hearts of your fellow ‘net dwellers at least, just will not die. Besides that, I’m sure there’s something chuckle-worthy in all this dreck, so let’s see what I can come up with.

  • what continent is the oddball? why (I’ve been known to inhabit several. But my reasons are secret.)
  • “car parked” engine ticking subaru (It’s just cooling down! You’ve never heard that before?)
  • “kill you all die make you suffer” (Hehehehe…I love it. Yes, it’s a line from Star Trek, and yes, I’ve quoted it on this site, thereby explaining its presence here. I just love seeing it appear completely at random in a search log.)
  • “knight rider” “shake it baby” (WTF is this? A Knight Rider total conversion for Duke 3D?)
  • “norton mapes” “dennis nedry” (Yep. As I observed here, they’re basically the same guy.)
  • “v4 that is not the doctor” (Somebody searched for this? There may actually be another person out there who’s as eccentric as me.)
  • awrey’s chocolate marshmallow cake (Oh my God, that stuff is delicious! But I don’t have any of it here. …Unfortunately.)
  • bedroom set called root beer float (I’m not sure I want to know what that bedroom set looks like.)
  • dell support software is crap (Wahahahaha! It’s funny because it’s true.)
  • duke nukem bankruptcy (Yep, Duke had to file. Burned through all his money on strippers and blow. I hear they’re going to have to repossess his space ship.)
  • goddamn insurance companies (Hehehehe…yeah, okay. That’s generic.)
  • half eaten bread bowl (I ask again, who searches for this stuff?!)
  • hates when weekends are over (Yeah, you and me both.)
  • highly compressed vampire (A highly compressed vampire? Maybe a dumpster fell on him, I don’t know.)
  • i suck at rpgs (I’m not that good at them either, but what did you hope to gain here? Sympathy?)
  • i want a big mac mcdlt a quarter pounder with some cheese (Sorry, you’re 20 years too late.)
  • is knight rider on tonight (*checks watch* Sure. Come on over, I’ll pop in my DVDs. Which season do you want?)
  • jack dunworth memorial pool haunted (This conjures memories of trenchcoats, long hair and fuzzy 8mm video.)
  • kara and lee forever flying each other (What is that, some kind of kinky Battlestar fanfic?)
  • mermaid forest hot tub episode (I’m starting to think that this post is responsible for half of these entries. And I’m loving it.)
  • potato donuts + bill knapps (Potato doughnuts? OK, listen, I think you were on drugs at the time you searched for this.)
  • subaru wtf (I think this must be the official tagline of Subaru’s design department lately.)
  • windows number of updates ridiculous (It sure seems that way sometimes, doesn’t it?)
  • “scott’s mystical head” (Thanks, now I have that damn cut-off timpani sound in my head.)
  • how to reboot tv (Uhhh…just turn it off?)

And my favorite:

  • “buy now, and we’ll never send it to you, ever” (This one’s for you, Billy Mays. Rest in peace.)
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Quick Takes Are Back!

By Chief Oddball on July 20th, 2009 at 11:32 pm ··· 1 Comment

Quick Takes (short posts of two or three sentences) are once again supported! To be fair, they never really went away, but my previous design did not handle them well, nor did it display them differently. But now, if I occasionally have something quick to say, it’ll show up in a “clipped note” like this. Anyway, that’s all — carry on.


Web Site Number 9

By Chief Oddball on July 20th, 2009 at 12:17 am

Filed under Site ··· 6 Comments

It seems like I was just introducing you all to Oddball V8 (I liked that name, too), and now version 9 just stomped in like a pro wrestler with ‘roid rage and kicked it out the window. Simply put, I got sick of the old look. I wanted a theme that I’d designed from scratch, and something a little more flexible and better-suited to my plans for this site. So here it is.

Version 9 came about a few weeks ago, when I had a sudden inspiration and put together a mock-up in Photoshop in the space of a single evening. I then left it alone for a couple weeks, having gotten bogged down with work and other issues, until finally returning to it a few days ago and embarking on a marathon mission to get it done and launched as soon as possible. Although I’ve got nearly a dozen posts in my mind that I want to put up, I felt compelled to hold them until the new design was online. There’s probably going to be a deluge of new entries here in the next few days.

The new look may be online, but a big portion of this facelift is still to come. It involves reworking the categories and tags on all the posts in the archive — a fairly monumental task, given that there are nearly 900 posts dating back to 2003. The categories a post is assigned to, rather than indicating the topics being discussed, will indicate what kind of post it is. I anticipate the new categories will be:

  • Reviews – Scoring of video games, books, movies, etc.
  • Commentary – Opinion on matters of great (or little) importance
  • Rants – Anger-fueled tirades about one thing or another
  • Journal – Life updates and personal happenings
  • News – Heads-up about upcoming products, events or site updates
  • Randomness – Off-the-wall, stream of consciousness stuff

Tags, then, will be used to indicate the topic(s) of a post, much as they do today, but I’m going to pare them back a bit so that they’re a little more broad. Rather than have a whole ton of tags that are only associated with one post each, I’d like to have some slightly more general tags like “video games,” “books,” “music,” “TV,” etc. — in a sense, these will be more like what the categories used to be.

As I start posting more reviews and things, I’ll probably work up some new sidebar widgets that highlight the latest reviews, including images and soforth, to make the sidebar a little more purpose-driven. In the meantime, though, what’s there will adequately service the archives as they exist today.

I hope this place becomes a little bit more interesting to visit in the coming days. As the Family Man says, “I’ll see ya here!”

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Fix Wrong Sender on WordPress Comment Notification Emails

By Chief Oddball on July 17th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

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Since I moved this blog over to a new web host, there’s been a cosmetic — but annoying — problem with my comment notification emails. I finally figured out how to solve it, and because I devised the solution myself after being unable to find a quick answer on the Web, I thought I’d better document the procedure here. You know, for future reference. Or in case anybody else has this problem.

Okay, the backstory: Whenever somebody comments on a post here, I get an email notification. This is a standard WordPress feature. Normally, the email’s “From” name is that of the person who left the comment, which makes it easy for me to see who it was without even opening the email. But since I moved to a new web host, the “From” name on those emails was my hosting account username instead, and the domain was my shared hosting server — something like “box123.host.com.” Really ugly, and irritating as well because I could no longer see at-a-glance who left a comment.

It was obviously a server-related issue, so I did some Googling, but found little of benefit. The only thing that helped was this post, wherein it was suggested to modify the sendmail_path value in your php.ini file so that a fixed “From” email address is used whenever sendmail is invoked. But this was intended to mitigate sender name mismatches with WordPress’ admin emails, such as the spam moderation messages and new user notifications — not the comment notifications. I didn’t want all of my comment emails coming from my own email address, I wanted them to come from the person who commented. Even so, this solution was better than “username@box123.host.com”, so I gave it a try.

The custom php.ini took care of the admin emails, as expected, but my comment emails were still screwed up. I delved into the logic of this issue a bit further, and compared the headers of comment notification emails from my old host as well as my new host. Apparently, when WordPress sends those comment notifications, it tacks the comment author’s name onto the email, but doesn’t use their email address — it uses a dummy email address called “wordpress” that it doesn’t expect will exist. As a result, the email appears to come from: “Comment Author <wordpress@mydomain.com>”.

Well, that dummy email address was the source of the problem. My server will not allow this type of email header to be created if the “From” email address specified does not actually exist. It does some kind of check to see if <wordpress@mydomain.com> is a valid address, and if it is not, it will show “username@box123.host.com” as the sender instead. All I had to do to mitigate this was create an email forwarder — not even a real account, just a forwarder — called “wordpress” so that the dummy address would be seen as valid. Voila! Now my comment emails are back to normal: They appear to come from the comment’s author.

In addition, this solution makes the aforementioned php.ini hack unnecessary.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I just blackhole anything sent to that “wordpress” address so that I’ll never see it. Not that I expect anybody to hit “reply” on those notifications and try talking to me, but given that “wordpress” is a known word, random spam attacks might otherwise stumble across it and start bombarding me with crap.

Hope this helps somebody. Or me, in the future. You never know.

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Plans

By Chief Oddball on July 17th, 2009 at 1:35 am

Filed under Journal, Site ··· 6 Comments

I ought to be posting something here, but not much has been coming to me in these last few weeks. If I haven’t been too busy with work to figure out what to say, I’ve been in no mood to actually say it.

I’ve decided that I’m a much happier man when I’m working for just one boss. Although I’ve worked a number of extra hours in the evenings since this past weekend, those hours were all spent in service to a large project we were just awarded at my main place of employment. Just this afternoon we delivered the final materials to the client, ending the harried design draft phase of this endeavor. Although the client was pleased, I think it was my boss who was even more pleased by the energy with which I approached this project and enabled us to deliver something really top-quality to the client. And despite the near-monolithic amounts of effort I’ve put into this, I feel energized and in high spirits about what we’ve accomplished.

Now I just wish I could siphon some of that energy into my personal projects, such as this website. Not long ago, I was reading the personal blog of one of my favorite TV reviewers, Jamahl “Jammer” Epsicokhan, when I came across a post that I found especially relevant. In it, Jammer describes the evolution of the weblog from a pointless vehicle for personal piffle into a powerful vehicle that allows bloggers to become the 21st century equivalent of the editorial columnist. I found this interesting because I’ve been doing what might be loosely described as “blogging” since 1999, and my own blog(s) have gone down an inverted path, in fact de-volving from sources of commentary, reviews and rants into a space for little more than updates about what I did during the week or how much work I have to do.

It occurred to me that the content on this site has essentially become the “free-form journal updates” that more accomplished writers and journalists like Jammer once shrugged off as “stupid.” In the process of freeing myself of negativity by shutting off the deluge of you-can’t-stop-it doom and gloom in the daily papers, TV news and talk radio, I also robbed myself of what was a generous source of content that could be discussed, commented on, ranted about or lampooned mercilessly. I’m still not in a hurry to go back to inundating myself with news, so what other options do I have for making these so-called Oddball Updates a bit more relevant — or at least interesting?

Since I am so well-versed in the sphere of gaming, I’ve decided to put more focus on writing reviews and commentary on games both old and new. I’m also considering reinventing the Oddball Oddcast as a gaming-oriented podcast meant to deliver news about upcoming releases, impressions and reviews of games I’ve played, and even info about how to save money or get some good deals for your gaming fix.

I’m not going to turn this into a gaming blog, though — there’s also plenty of room for book reviews, tales of the new recipes for tasty and healthy organic meals that Apple and I have been enjoying, the usual updates about life and how things are going, and yes, maybe even a little news commentary as well.

I’m also tired of feeling constrained by the one-post limit on my front page, so I’ve also been working on a new layout for the site which will be going live as soon as I actually get around to finishing it. I’m actually putting the new design together from scratch, in a self-imposed exercise to actually get my creative juices flowing again, as it had been too long since I actually did any kind of meaningful web design (either for work or for pleasure). More important than the look and feel of the site, though, is the need for me to regularly and consistently post on it, so that’s what I’ll endeavor to do — even before the new design goes online.

A lot of crazy stuff went down at work this week, and it sounds like there’s more to come tomorrow, even though it’s Friday, a day on which I personally believe people should keep their crazy stuff to themselves until the following week. But I’m looking forward to working on these new ideas for the Oddball Update this coming weekend. Hopefully I won’t feel too burnt out.

The laptop battery’s about to bite it, so I’m gonna end this now. Hope to have something more to say soon.

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Search for $A, Find $B: Analytics Edition

By Chief Oddball on January 12th, 2009 at 2:23 pm

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All right, we’re long overdue for one of those entries that lampoons goofy search queries. For the uninitiated, this is where I look at my server logs and show you some of the dumb stuff people have been searching for when they run across my site.

Why has it been so long since I did this? Back in September, my web host decided that they weren’t going to bother running AwStats (or any other statistics software) anymore, because “Google Analytics is so much better!” Unfortunately, I didn’t discover this until late November, because they didn’t bother to email this news of a reduction in service to any of their customers. That’s when I found the last two quarters’ worth of stats were never collected at all. Thanks blockheads!

Anyway, I dutifully signed up for Google Analytics as a replacement, but it’s taken a little while for some good stuff to land in the reports. Finally, I checked today, and I think I’ve got enough material for a post. So, without further ado…

  • “bigger belly” thanksgiving (Usually in the reverse order…)
  • “chii wa chii” (Pantsu…pantsu…)
  • ’70s pontiac subcompact (What? The J2000?)
  • acura tl ugly stick (Yes, those two definitely got together.)
  • candid metro (A candid Eddie Murphy movie?)
  • cw oddball (Does this have anything to do with the TV network?)
  • electric biscuit shaping (Excuse me?)
  • door knob out piece still stuck (I guarantee you that whatever component you’re referring to, its actual name is not “out piece.”)
  • freezing downstairs vaulted ceiling (A little late now! Try a sweater.)
  • gm is ready to do away with pontiac (GM is ready to be done away with, more like.)
  • large cable box stupid (Yeah, it is stupid how big those things are. The Motos are of an especially absurd scale.)
  • origin of “i’m not half bad” (Well look, it’s Mister Etymology here.)
  • our old cablecard (You’re searching for this? Do you want to be reunited with it or something?)
  • roofgods (If there are any, they were laughing at us last year.)
  • seoul far so good (Wow. What a bad pun. I could have used that during our flight here.)
  • should i write a sequel (I dunno. If you do, write it first. Makes it more interesting.)
  • superman workout (How does Superman work out? Probably lifts semi trucks or something.)
  • take cablecard out of box and put it in tivo hd (What will he search for next? “Sit down, turn TV on and watch show”?)
  • who sang babararacucudada (The Barracudas! Specifically, in their 1980 song “Summer Fun.”)
  • where to buy comcast cablecards? (Uhhh…from Comcast? And you can’t buy them, you can only lease them, so don’t get too excited.)
  • truly nolen sucks (How blunt. But not entirely inaccurate, at least in Naples…)
  • thailaaaaand (Yep…someone actually searched for this. Good thing I was here for them to find.)

The aforementioned were only a tiny slice of the keyphrases in my reports. The rest — pages and pages worth — were all related to one of these three topics:

  1. CableCARDs, Comcast, TiVo and all the problems that result when you combine the three.
  2. Discontinued Keebler Fudge and Vanilla Creme cookies.
  3. A recipe for Bill Knapp’s chicken fricassee.

I’ve actually become somewhat of an authority on topic #1, thanks largely to the posts I wrote on the subject when I went through my own CableCARD hell. I have neither a secret stockpile of discontinued cookies nor a secret recipe for Knapp’s fricassee, although now that I’ve typed those words, a million more anonymous people will think I do, and the self-fulfilling prophecy re-ignites itself for another run. Wahooti fandango.

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Oddball V8: Firing on Eight Cylinders

By Chief Oddball on September 28th, 2008 at 10:22 pm

Filed under Site ··· 3 Comments

Here it is: Oddball Update version eight, or V8 as we like to call it. You knew it had to happen eventually: I got tired of looking at the old design and decided to do something about it. The decision to put together the new look came about a week ago when I ran across a WordPress theme called “Agregado,” which matched up nearly exactly with the image I had in my head of what the next Oddball Update should look like.

Obviously, I never install canned themes on my blog without personalizing them in some way, so of course, Agregado got the custom treatment featuring my GTO and a somewhat more masculine (if I do say so myself) color scheme. I’ve also switched out some of the stock theme’s features to make room for Oddball Update staples, including “Posts from Last Year” and the ubiquitous “Who’s Online” ticker. There’s also the full blogroll and link list, as usual.

Also as usual, the Photo Gallery area fell victim to the new design and has not yet been re-engineered. I’ve found a much better plugin that pulls data from my Flickr account, but it requires that my database be set to the UTF-8 character set, which mine isn’t. So I’ve got to undertake that conversion — not a task to be taken lightly, I might add — before the photos can come back. Have patience.

Other than the wholesale change to the site’s appearance, not much else is different — all of the usual functionality should still be there. With one notable addition: The “lifestreaming” column on the home page sidebar, which displays a feed of updates from my Twitter account, my latest Flickr photos and anything else I might deign to link in. If I’m not posting blog entries, chances are the sidebar will show you what I am doing.

I’m hoping that having a brand new interface to look at will inspire me to post here more often. In truth, for the last several days — perhaps even weeks — I’ve had idea after idea kicking around in my head, which at any time could have given rise to a new blog entry. For an equally endless variety of reasons, however, none of them ever did. A lot of it has to do with my self-censoring tendencies, or my continuing need to ensure I don’t make anybody uneasy by virtue of my words. However, if I’m going to be so self-regulating, I might as well close down this site and post everything on Private Oddball for the rest of my life. So suffice it to say, I intend to be a bit more open with my opinions here from now on.

I’ll get into some of the stuff that’s going on when I make my next post — tomorrow, if all goes according to plan — but the big news for the week is that Apple and I will be visiting our family in Michigan for a few days. We’ll be staying less than a week up north, but any time is good time, and we’re very much looking forward to it.

More to come.

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Search for $A, Find $B: Q1 2008 Edition

By Chief Oddball on April 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm

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Welcome back to another edition of “Search for $A, Find $B” at Oddball Update! This is where I get bored, look at my server logs and show you some of the dumb stuff people have been searching for when they run across my site.

In this, the first quarter report for 2008, we have Keebler’s discontinued Fudge Shoppe cookies continuing to dominate the field, with long-forgotten Bill Knapps recipes, TiVo CableCARD problems, red soda from the ’80s and Elexis Sinclair’s…um…”assets” rounding out the remainder of the top queries. Ignoring all of those usual standbys, here’s what I found:

  • mass effect sarin (No, that’s Saren. Sarin is nerve gas!)
  • escape naples (Sometimes I’d like to.)
  • why does comcast require a technican to get a cable card? (Because they don’t want you to get a cable card.)
  • computers internet blog (Wow, how many results did you get for that query — 600 million?)
  • remember slice soda (Yeah, I do! The Apple flavor was kickass.)
  • swap tuner tivo hd (Push the Live TV button.)
  • latest update about operating room in 2008 (Sorry. I tried, but I just don’t get it.)
  • voracity (Did you want a definition? I’m not a dictionary.)
  • free match maker (Nor am I a dating service.)
  • how do you get back to your buggy in orange box chapter title highway 17 (Wow. I hope you have an earlier savegame handy.)
  • tivo slot 2 never works right (Then return it?)
  • .com car muscle (Like Yoda you speak. Find nothing on Internet you will.)
  • sin episodes beat duke nukem forever (Yeah, but it also got cancelled after one episode, so…it’s a wash.)
  • lexus december to remember voiceover (Wahahaha! I remember trying to figure out who that v/o guy is, because he sounds like the Cigarette Smoking Man. Guess someone else is curious too.)
  • perfectionistic (That’s me.)
  • sister’s hot friend (Didn’t I say I’m not a dating service?)
  • komcast (Hee, I like that! Damn commies!)
  • hello my name is stickers (Hey stickers.)
  • acrimonious (That is also me.)
  • buy car in germany (Can’t help you, but have fun driving on the Autobahn.)
  • i want to fuck t’pol (Wow, buddy. Just wow.)
  • bullet witch fanservice pictures (Between this and the last guy…damn.)
  • catatonic (No. That’s not me.)
  • photos of catatonic stupor (I said no! Try your local mental hospital.)
  • how to design forza (Ask Turn 10…)
  • sequences of doing things (Seriously. What do you expect to see with a query like that?)
  • motorcycle crash bodyparts (Dude, that’s morose!)
  • mass effect vehicle stupid and annoying (Hahahahaha)
  • nayt smith (That kid who bragged so emphatically about his Wolfenstein 3-D modifications that id Software actually issued a Cease and Desist?)
  • vegas games update (Well, Kirk still won’t let Spock play them if that’s what you…uh…nevermind.)

And my favorite…

  • how fast is 24 horsepower (About twice as fast as your 11hp 1970 Snapper Hi-Vac.)

1970 Snapper Hi-Vac

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Oddball Updated

By Chief Oddball on March 29th, 2008 at 6:09 pm

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I’ve just finished updating the underpinnings of Oddball Update, WordPress, to version 2.5, a milestone release with a lot of new features. Among the biggest changes are a totally redesigned admin area, which most of you don’t get to see. Too bad for you.

The part of the site that you do get to see is largely unchanged. There are three notable exceptions:

  • The Archives page has a new (admittedly blander) look. I was previously using a plugin to generate some spiffy-looking archives, but the plugin is borked under WP 2.5, so for now it’s back to this basic layout.
  • WP 2.5 has a cool new feature by which you can automagically install new versions of your plugins from right within the admin interface — no more FTP! To test it, I upgraded the AJAX Edit Comments plugin, and only then did I realize that I was deliberately not upgrading that plugin because of some problems it introduced last time. So, if you have any problems editing your comments after you submit them, let me know.
  • I now display your Gravatar next to your name each time you leave a comment. For the uninitiated, Gravatars are “global avatar” images that you associate with your email address, and which will appear universally across every blog you comment on. Sign up to get your own Gravatar if you want one.

Other than that, it should be business as usual. If you see anything weird, just holler.

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Search for $A, Find $B: Hey, It’s November Already!

By Chief Oddball on November 29th, 2007 at 1:06 am

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Where did the time go? I was supposed to do the third quarter edition of this regular Oddball department back in September or October, but apparently time got away from me. Gee, what a surprise. Anyway, I’ve already cruised through the server stats, and have borne witness to the truly wacky, incredibly nutty, utterly bewildering array of search keywords people have been using to find my site over the last few months. Are you ready for a peek into the truly scary corners of the tubes we call the INTARWEBS? Then onward we go!

Because the list of funnies is quite long this time, I’m splitting it up by month.

August, 2007

  • apogee games zz top (Was Frank Beard in an Apogee game? More like Perigee…)
  • what causes an engine’s revolutions to drop? (Taking your foot off the gas?)
  • keebler classic collection chocolate fudge sandwich cookies (Seriously, ever since I made that post about discontinued foodstuffs that I miss, people have been coming here in droves looking for all of it. The Keebler cookies take the win, with Bill Knapps chicken fricassee a close second. Seriously.)
  • where’s my cake?.com (BAHAHAHA! Must be Harvie’s homepage.)
  • haircuts for 12 year olds (Uhh…try Fantastic Sam’s? What do you want me to say?)
  • mazda sv7 (Now every time I get in Apple’s car, I’m going to imagine it asking: “What were you doing in the hopper?”)
  • vista sleep fails (Yes. It does. It certainly does.)
  • babararacucudada (Hehehehehe)
  • history channel’s nation divided problems with vista (What does Windows Vista have to do with the History Channel? I’ve heard of people blaming Microsoft for everything, but this is ridiculous.)
  • play dead or alive (If you want to play a game, why are you on the Internet?)
  • more warhead remastered (What?)
  • gunbuster jung boob (Huh?)
  • what happened to rotiboy in thailand? (I asked my sister-in-law, and she said they went out of business. Dude, I knew that was gonna happen — why do you think I ate so many roti buns last time I was there?)
  • william schallert arbor drugs (Next search: william schallert tribbles.)
  • mustang cobra sv7 (What’s with all of these cars turning into supervocs?)
  • which auto shops are open on sunday (Uhh…call ‘em and ask?)
  • dell fails to deliver (Yeah, you got that right.)
  • breast animation (Freudian slip? Or somebody else playing DOAX?)
  • superboy deodorant (WHAT?)
  • neighborhood witch (Seriously, what are people expecting to find when they search for this stuff?)
  • mylanta’s slogan (Bored much?)

September, 2007

  • cannot find an owner for that domain (Well, I own this one.)
  • system shock owned bioshock (I’d probably agree with you…)
  • teh dead (Neologisms aweigh…)
  • different serial number on xbox repair status page (It means your Xbox is now in Mexico doing tequila shots. Seriously, there was a huge spate of Xbox failure related searches after I posted about my Xbox dying. One dude even registered just so he could comment on my entry here.)
  • does hitomi kiss lei fang (Dude, please get out more. Please.)
  • red soda from the nineties (Well, now that’s being specific!)
  • tartan films cease and desist (Did they put the legal smack down on somebody?)
  • saleen sv7 (Sigh. It’s the Saleen S7.)

October, 2007

  • elexis sinclair (Are you guys still going on about her?)
  • panty (I think you want Victoria’s Secret; it’s over there, straight down that tube to the rest of the internets.)
  • donut town redford (Yeah! But: It’s Donutown. DONUT OWN.)
  • review smackdown here comes the pain (My review is: It sucks. Go away.)
  • asuka strikes tab (Somebody wants to play Evangelion soundtrack on the guitar? SHIROH SAGISU TRIBUTE BAND!)
  • knivey (Eh?)
  • forgotten 80s food (’80s food? Okay, how about “Fruit Burple”?)
  • soft rock saxophone solo with a synthesizer (Speaking of ’80s…)
  • doughnuts bill knapps (What? Bill Knapps didn’t have doughnuts! …Or did they? Wait, weren’t they serving breakfast there for a while? I seem to remember oatmeal. With brown sugar. Whoa, trippy memories.)
  • tahitian treat addictive (Jesus, I sure hope it isn’t…my boss just bought me a case of the stuff!)
  • malevolent management (Have you tried talking to HR about this?)

November, 2007

  • a dramatic reenactment of the doom comic (Oh my God. You don’t want that. Seriously, I have it, but you don’t want it.)
  • sailor moon chat beseen (NOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!)
  • deus ex invisible war lags after 10 minutes (How about, “Deus Ex Invisible War sucks after 10 minutes.”)
  • is there going to be a 2008 mach z (What the hell is a Mach Z? A Nissan with a shaker hood?)
  • keebler pizzeria discontinue (“Keebler Pizzeria”? I was talking about cookies!)
  • thai hachiban ramen (It’s oh, so tasty! Get the roasted pork noodle!)
  • robot chicken turbolift (BAHAHAHAHA! Seriously, WTF?)

And the number one most baffling entry in the list:

  • sputnik and american garage door openings

Uhh…CCCP soda!

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