The Snitch

During our walk to the post office today, we spotted a guy who can only be…The Snitch.™

Not to be confused with The Stig, The Snitch is believed responsible for the variety of violation letters that the HOA sends out to the community residents. He was riding a basket-equipped bicycle, carrying a thick stack of papers scribbled with myriad arcane notes in one hand and a can of beer in the other. He would stop at random points on the street, pull up in a driveway and appear to be adding further notes to his paperwork.

It’s possible that the HOA hires this guy — or he volunteers his time with them — to catch people with driveways that are too dirty, walls that are starting to show mold, etc. Although this thought may be worthy of an eye-roll, even worse is the idea that The Snitch does all of this at the behest of no one because he enjoys sounding the alarm over every perceived fault.

You are requested to lock your doors, shutter your windows and shield your women and children from the watchful eye of…The Snitch.

(On a side note, the “Who’s Online” feature of this blog is broken after yet another plugin upgrade, so I’ve written that functionality out of the site because I no longer have the patience for the continuous fuckery it requires. A eulogy for this fallen functionality will commence at half past never. Thank you.)

2 Comments

• 
  Pooch August 23, 2010 at 3:07 pm

  Yet you cannot hide the pickup truck in your driveway from The Snitch!

  Meanwhile, eight other houses with actual commercial trucks parked in their driveways skate off scot-free without warning.

  Reply
• 
  Chief Oddball August 23, 2010 at 3:10 pm

  Snitch! SNITCH! Sniiiiitch attack! This snitch is like a maaaa-ni-ac!

  Reply