Oddball Update

Welcome back to another edition of “Search for $A, Find $B” at Oddball Update! This is where I get bored, look at my server logs and show you some of the dumb stuff people have been searching for when they run across my site.

In this, the first quarter report for 2008, we have Keebler’s discontinued Fudge Shoppe cookies continuing to dominate the field, with long-forgotten Bill Knapps recipes, TiVo CableCARD problems, red soda from the ’80s and Elexis Sinclair’s…um…”assets” rounding out the remainder of the top queries. Ignoring all of those usual standbys, here’s what I found:

• mass effect sarin (No, that’s Saren. Sarin is nerve gas!)
• escape naples (Sometimes I’d like to.)
• why does comcast require a technican to get a cable card? (Because they don’t want you to get a cable card.)
• computers internet blog (Wow, how many results did you get for that query — 600 million?)
• remember slice soda (Yeah, I do! The Apple flavor was kickass.)
• swap tuner tivo hd (Push the Live TV button.)
• latest update about operating room in 2008 (Sorry. I tried, but I just don’t get it.)
• voracity (Did you want a definition? I’m not a dictionary.)
• free match maker (Nor am I a dating service.)
• how do you get back to your buggy in orange box chapter title highway 17 (Wow. I hope you have an earlier savegame handy.)
• tivo slot 2 never works right (Then return it?)
• .com car muscle (Like Yoda you speak. Find nothing on Internet you will.)
• sin episodes beat duke nukem forever (Yeah, but it also got cancelled after one episode, so…it’s a wash.)
• lexus december to remember voiceover (Wahahaha! I remember trying to figure out who that v/o guy is, because he sounds like the Cigarette Smoking Man. Guess someone else is curious too.)
• perfectionistic (That’s me.)
• sister’s hot friend (Didn’t I say I’m not a dating service?)
• komcast (Hee, I like that! Damn commies!)
• hello my name is stickers (Hey stickers.)
• acrimonious (That is also me.)
• buy car in germany (Can’t help you, but have fun driving on the Autobahn.)
• i want to fuck t’pol (Wow, buddy. Just wow.)
• bullet witch fanservice pictures (Between this and the last guy…damn.)
• catatonic (No. That’s not me.)
• photos of catatonic stupor (I said no! Try your local mental hospital.)
• how to design forza (Ask Turn 10…)
• sequences of doing things (Seriously. What do you expect to see with a query like that?)
• motorcycle crash bodyparts (Dude, that’s morose!)
• mass effect vehicle stupid and annoying (Hahahahaha)
• nayt smith (That kid who bragged so emphatically about his Wolfenstein 3-D modifications that id Software actually issued a Cease and Desist?)
• vegas games update (Well, Kirk still won’t let Spock play them if that’s what you…uh…nevermind.)

And my favorite…

• how fast is 24 horsepower (About twice as fast as your 11hp 1970 Snapper Hi-Vac.)

Tagged as search logs + Categorized as Site