Well, I have to hand it to Sony’s Playstation division. They are now executing a slow burn as they desperately try anything their marketing department can think of to sell more Playstation 3 game consoles, except nobody really cares — probably because the PS3 costs a fortune, there are almost zero exclusive games worth playing on it, and there are two alternate (and very worthy) choices for gaming hardware that both come hundreds of dollars cheaper.

After the former leader of the game console war fell to a distant third place in sales behind Microsoft’s Xbox360 and the Nintendo Wii, Sony realized that all the soulless hype, empty promises and bullshit excuses they’d invented were not going to sell their consoles. Apparently, even though the Blu-ray DVD player built into the PS3 is a great value when considering the price of standalone Blu-ray players, Sony miscalculated by thinking that every gamer also cared about Blu-ray. When they forced gamers to pay inflated prices for Blu-ray hardware in the PS3, Sony was stung by the fact that nobody really seemed to give a shit. So the company’s desperation tactics began.

First it was the PR stunts and the exaggerated PS3 launch days in Europe, which practically nobody attended. The PS3 is also priced at a ridiculous €600 in Europe (over $817 USD), so it’s no wonder the buyers…well, weren’t buying. Then, anxious over the massive sales let-down, Sony executive Phil Harrison showed up at a Marillion concert and hijacked a charity auction, raising the €100 opening bid for a new PS3 to the absurd retail price of €600. Silence followed. One guy bid only because he was promised the console would be signed by the band, but when no other bids followed, he started begging others to outbid him and save him from his mistake. No one did.

Next it was stopping all sales of the 20 GB low-end PS3 model in North America, because consumers were favoring the high-end 60 GB unit 10-to-1. Gee, maybe that’s because the low-end model doesn’t feature wireless networking and, unlike the Xbox360 Core system, isn’t even upgradeable to support it! In my mind this alone kills the low-end PS3’s usefulness for online gaming unless you happen to have Ethernet cables strung all through your house. Canceling it was smart. Offering it at all, thinking its low price would save it, was stupid.

Now, today brings us evidence that Sony’s marketing execs may have really lost their marbles. Their team is apparently using the “forcibly apply crap to wall and see what sticks” playbook, because to announce the upcoming game God Of War II for the PS2, they held some kind of party involving a decapitated goat, throwing knives and live snakes. This utter insanity was all featured in Sony’s official Playstation Magazine. Of course, this has drawn the ire of international animal rights activists, who tend to belong to their own very special cult of crazy, but I won’t go there right now, because it would ruin my fun.

At this “party,” Sony asked guests how far they would go to get their hands on a new Playstation 3. Their magazine article says, “How about eating still warm intestines uncoiled from the carcass of a freshly slaughtered goat? At the party to celebrate God Of War II’s European release, members of the Press were invited to do just that.”

Orrrrr…how about just going down to the store and buying one? Last I checked, stores were filled with dozens of dust-covered Playstation 3s that no one wants. Seriously, you don’t have to go far at all to “get your hands on a new Playstation 3,” because anyone who wants one hasn’t got a shred of competition. Meanwhile, entire stockpiles of Nintendo Wiis are still selling out the day they arrive in stores.

Way to go, Sony, on blowing the lead in the game console war, and in further squandering one of the most valuable brands in corporate history. You guys fail at life.