It’s interesting, because I did see the headlines about that school banning MySpace. I didn’t read the article, but I assumed at the time that they meant they were banning kids from visiting MySpace on the school’s computers. You know, like in the computer lab or something. That sounded reasonable to me, since MySpace is often a haven for viruses and other nefarious crap.

But now you’re telling me the school is forbidding kids from visiting MySpace at home? Or they’ll be — and this is D.C.’s favorite expression here — “asked to leave” the school? (Like a quote I read in an article in the Naples News yesterday, “People aren’t asked to resign. They’re fired.”) That policy is pretty friggin’ dictatorial, if you ask me.

And it’s yet another shining example of prime Catholic school policy numero uno, “punish everybody for the crimes of the few.” Even when those crimes haven’t been committed yet. I can only imagine what would have happened if D.C. had sent home letters in 1997 telling kids that they couldn’t participate in chat rooms, for example, or they’d be expelled. As stupid as that chat room was in retrospect, it was in large part how I kept myself sane for about six or eight months out of that year. It probably would have seemed like a living nightmare; not only can the school administration make my life hell while I’m there, but now they’re reaching their slimy fingers into my home, too? The one place on Earth where I thought I could feel relatively safe from attack? Fuck that.

But as you say, how the hell is the school even going to know who’s visiting MySpace? Are they gonna show up at a random student’s home dressed in jackboots and Death’s Head pins, pull out a Writ of Spiritual Cleansing and proceed to “exorcise the demonic influence” from the family computer by castigating it with a 10-pound sledge? And would anyone like to be within a hundred yards of the conflagration that would result should they happen to visit the home of a child whose father is a registered NRA member?

Pooch, I remember the INEPT. Oh Jesus, do I remember it. Funny as hell. Do you still have that thing? I don’t recall the details of D.C.’s draconian “acceptable computer use policy,” but at least it only covered computers on school property. Of cousre, the INEPT reminds me of that thing I started working on, The Nugget File, which was basically a log of the school’s collossal cock-ups. Unfortunately I only got about a page worth of entries, but they’re classic D.C. I know I still have that document somewhere.

Did you happen to read the story in today’s Free Press about St. Hugo’s School banning any students from having a MySpace site (or other “similar site”)? School officials were “not available for comment,” but the policy is posted on the school’s web site. “Over the last several weeks, there has been an arrest of a teacher and a police officer, both of whom posed as children on the interent to arrange meetings with unsuspecting children. It is out of this concern that we have determined that the school must take a stand.” The policy says…”If a family chooses to allow their children to continue their MySpace aoount, they will not be allowed to continue a students at St. Hugo.” And just how do they monitor this policy? Do all students have to turn their computers over to the St Hugo vice squad for de-fragging? Agggh!

This makes my blood boil. I’m sure they’ve had their Nazi flag cleaned and pressed as well.

Speaking of cars, I think I may go look at the Saab 9.3 (anniversary edition) tomorrow- seems it’s actually affordable.

Though, for songs about food, no one beats Shonen Knife - I’m still missing five or six of their albums, but from the albums I do own, here are some song titles:

“Banana Fish” - about a fish that eats bananas
“Flying Jelly Attack” - about eating jelly beans and cherry drops
“I Wanna Eat Chocobars”
“Ice Cream City”
“Diet Run”
“Blue Oyster Cult” - about getting food poisoning from an oyster
“Fruit Loop Dreams” - about candy and sweets, but actually mentions Toucan Sam (!)
“Broccoli Man”
“Brown Mushrooms”
“Fruits and vegetables”
“Sushi Bar Song” - SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI BAR! GOING TO A SUSHI BAR!
“Cookie Day”
“Sesame”

And so on. That’s not even listing the other songs that have food-related titles but are otherwise not really food-related (or songs about food that don’t have food-related titles). But they still rock and are very entertaining.

And not to forget about Puffy and “Cake Is Love”…