Oddball Update

Okay, I admit it: I often watch Smallville.

Why? I dunno. Maybe — as a Superman fan — I like seeing what new and exciting ways the show can desecrate and/or rewrite Superman’s history: for example, on Smallville, Clark Kent (still yet to become Superman or even Superboy) has already come into contact with Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, Perry White, the Flash, Green Arrow, Cyborg, and even General “Kneel Before” Zod…all before the age of 21. Yet he still can’t fly. Whatever.

Edit: Yes, I know that in the old, Silver Age “Superboy” days, Clark Kent/Superboy came into contact with pretty much all of those same characters at a similarly young age (if not younger). However, seeing as this show is explicitly not about Silver Age Superboy and his adventures (and comes after both Crisis on Infinite Earths and Infinite Crisis in DC Comics continuity, where it’s established Clark Kent didn’t meet most of those people until he was well into adulthood), I call shenanigans. End Edit.

However, this post is not about Superman, or even Clark Kent. It’s about something so stupid — even by Smallville’s low standards — that I feel compelled to rant (which is usually how one feels after viewing an episode of Smallville anyway). In last night’s episode, Lana Lang — Smallville’s town bicycle (nearly everyone on the show, from Clark Kent to Lex Luthor and zillions of guest pretty-boys in-between, has taken her for a ride) — faints in front of a crowd of people in the offices of the Daily Planet; then, later on, she tells a doctor she’s been having constant, “sharp” headaches (”like a knife”) recently.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Great! That means the inoperable brain tumor that plagued Anthony Edwards’ character on ER for so many years has finally gotten more work! Good for it!”

Sadly, no. Later on, Lana discloses to another character that she’s — gasp! — pregnant.

“Okay,” I hear you saying despondently. “That makes sense, I guess. She’s pregnant — wait. What? That makes no sense at all! What the hell kind of crap are you trying to feed me?”

Exactly! Now, I’m no expert; I’m not a doctor, nor have I either been pregnant (obviously) or impregnated anyone. However, I’m pretty sure “fainting spells” and “stabbing headaches” aren’t normally signs you’re pregnant. They may be signs that you’re dying, but pregnant? Then again, I guess this is normal for Smallville, where stupidity reigns and logic is a four-letter word.

Besides, everyone knows that — in TV Land — the true telltale signs a woman is pregnant are a) morning sickness, and b) an unhealthy craving for unholy food combinations that make the pizza toppings favored by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles seem tame in comparison (anchovies and peanut butter! Yum!). You’d think Smallville would be able to get at least that much right. Sheesh.

And to think: that was an hour I could have spent playing Final Fantasy XII instead of watching this crap last night. When will I learn?

Later Edit: I’ve been reading around a bit, and apparently chronic headaches can come with being pregnant. My bad. Still…sharp, stabbing headaches + fainting spells usually doesn’t = pregnant, especially on television. Maybe I just wanted to vent on the terrible badness of Smallville (which, despite my wrongness here, is still a turd of a television show).

Categorized as Media, Media/Television