Columnist Mike Straka asks, “Why are all men in television commercials really dumb, really horny and really distracted by sporting events?” This is a good question, and one I have been asking for some years now. It seems like phone and cable companies are the worst purveyors of this shtick. They commonly run commercials featuring a dumb ol’ dad and his complete inability to grasp simple concepts, be responsible, or do anything right. Usually the actor playing dad is stocky, unkempt and looks like he’s trying to win a George Costanza imitation contest.

The other half of this coin is that the mom figure usually shows up, sometimes with daughter in tow, solves dear old dad’s problem with the flick of a switch or a curt line of dialogue, then rolls her eyes at the ineptitude of the man she married while the guy stands there looking like a doofus. While the advertising company then throws up their logo and legalese, the twinkly music of “Boy, That Was Funny” plays in the background.

Well, no, actually. I’m sorry. It isn’t funny. Not after you’ve seen the same damn derivitive thing six million times, it isn’t. I don’t get why we have to make a mockery of somebody to get a point across, but sadly, among TV commercials, that general concept is even more common than the specific situation I just described. Somebody has to look dumb, somebody else has to get the “I told you so” snark in to prove that Company B’s product is better, and Bob’s your uncle. I guess this might be because some the products being advertised can’t stand on their own merits in the marketplace, so the company marketing them, knowing they are statistically inferior, resorts to gag effects to sell product on the basis of recognition alone. “I think I’ll pick the Motorola phone — their commercial was really funny!”

Sadly, this marketing approach is proven to work, and that’s why corporations use it. That also plays into the reason why I hate being a marketer (just one of the many hats I wear, folks). Because it feels so disingenuous half the time. Because being considered a “brilliant” marketer almost always involves being sneaky, twisting facts or presenting ideas wholly unrelated to a product just to garner attention. Personally I don’t subscribe to the “Family Auto Mart” school of sales. If I’m supposed to be advertising a product that sucks, I’m not going to distract the audience with a toy poodle doing somersaults. It’s just not me. I’m going to look for some how, some way, that the product beats the competition and exploit it. Not exploit my audience.

And that’s probably why I’ll never be considered a “brilliant marketer.” But that’s fine. That’s a dubious enough distinction — they can keep it.