According to this CNN story, a Louisiana man has filed a lawsuit against Apple Computer, claiming that the iPod MP3 player is “defective” because it has the potential to cause hearing loss in people who use it.

Apparently ignoring the fact that lawn mowers, shotguns and vacuum cleaners can also cause hearing loss in people who use them, Mr. Patterson has filed the consumer class action lawsuit because he feels the iPods are “inherently defective in design and are not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss.” A jury trial has been demanded.

How should Apple fix the iPod? I mean, that is what Mr. Patterson wants, according to his lawyer, who said: “He’s paying for a product that’s defective, and the law is pretty clear that if someone sold you a defective product they have a duty to repair it.” Okay, so let’s see. How can we repair the iPod? It already has a volume adjustment, which allows you to control the amplitude of the sound being output by the device. Not even lawn mowers have that. Should Apple permanently reduce the maximum volume its iPods can output? Would this be fair to people who are already hearing impaired and need higher volumes to hear their music? Would those people then sue Apple themselves, claiming discrimination?

Maybe it’s the earbud headphones that Apple packages with the iPods. Earbuds are small, do little to dilute the sound they produce and sit very close to your ear canal. I hate earbuds; always have — so I buy myself closed, circumaural headphones instead, despite their bulk. Is there some reason why Patterson couldn’t do the same thing, if he thought the iPod earbuds were dangerous? Was an Apple rep at his house 24/7 making sure he used only the iPod earbuds and nothing else? I mean, c’mon man, you have the ability to make smarter and safer choices on your own! You didn’t care enough about your hearing to buy safer headphones or adjust the volume control, but now you care enough to sue Apple — before your hearing was even damaged by their device? What a crock!

And as for lacking “adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss,” just what does Patterson really expect? A huge, yellow label covering the surface of the tiny device, telling him that A) rain may fall from the sky, B) stubbing your toe may hurt, and C) this device may play music loudly enough to hurt your ears? I mean, what kind of an ignorant horse’s ass is this guy that he can’t figure this out for himself?

I have a hard time believing that the American public expects the rest of the world to take them seriously when they can’t even take responsibility for things like this. Turn down the fucking iPod if you don’t want your hearing damaged. If you would like moral support, ask William Shatner — he’s long suffered from tinnitis, even considered suicide over it — don’t sue Apple.

My wife (heh…the other Apple) and I were talking about how hard it’s going to become for America to make any forward progress as a nation when we are so fixated on exacting revenge, placing blame and seeking retribution for the lamest ass stuff imaginable. It is incomprehensible to me how lawsuits such as this can actually be allowed to go forward, but then all I have to do is remember that everybody is full of greed. Patterson’s acting like a greedy whelp, either that or an intractable moron. His lawyer is whoring up the profits he will surely reap from a class action suit (because after all, the only people who get paid in class action suits are the attorneys). The media’s loving it because it’s a great story, nevermind that it’s great for all the wrong reasons.

Scapegoating — it’s the new American pasttime.