Added 3/16/05 @ 10:44 pm: Tonight, the Free Press is reporting that GM has issued two more vehicle recalls, including the entirety of its 2005 Pontiac G6 line because “the owner’s manual doesn’t say there is a child restraint anchor in the middle of the back seat.” This kind of shit warrants a recall? Just mail the owner a manual addendum, for God’s sake. Another example of why GM could build the best cars in the world and they’d still look bad. WTG guys. </Edit>

It was actually news yesterday afternoon, but the headlines in today’s Detroit Free Press paint a dismal picture for General Motors. CEO Rick Wagoner announced yesterday that the entire company will be taking a huge financial hit this year, largely due to GM’s sagging North American unit. This is just more evidence, to me, that GM no longer builds many products that anybody wants.

What was formerly the company’s cash cow—their truck and SUV products—has not been delivering for them lately, largely due to the fact that demand for SUVs is finally starting to wane thanks to rising gas prices, not to mention that GM’s trucks and SUVs are getting rather long in the tooth. The new crossover/mini-SUV entries seen as of late have been underwhelming or at best “just average.” I mean, there’s nothing exactly world-class about the Chevy Equinox or the Montana SV6; neither bring anything new to the table, nor anything exceptionally desirable. They’re just middling solutions with middling price tags that act like they exist only to fill a gap, because some analyst somewhere said it would be suicide to not offer some product in a particular market segment.

The only place where GM has really succeeded lately is in its retooling of the Cadillac brand. That nameplate was so deeply mired in “boring” (although not as much as Buick) that I’d have thought it would take a miracle to make it appeal to anyone but retirees, but somehow they’ve done it. Of course, because it’s Cadillac, many people can’t afford any of their excellent products. All right, GM, now it’s time to come up with something for the little guy—something fresh and interesting in your Chevy, Pontiac and Buick lineups.

Buick has seen some new entries lately, but I have this haunting feeling that they are the new Oldsmobile. In its final days, Olds had a few of its own models (the Intrigue and the Aurora) that were unique, okay looking cars but not especially desirable. They also still had some ripoffs in their stable, like the Bravada, which at first was just a rebadged Blazer/Jimmy and then a rebadged Trailblazer/Envoy. If Olds were still around today, they’d probably have a rebadged Montana SV6/Uplander/Relay as well.

But now that honor falls to Buick. Interesting, eh? They’ve got a couple of new models on the way, one of which (the Lacrosse) is already out, as well as some rebadges of other GM products, namely their SUVs. (Yes, there are Buick SUVs. Weird, I say.) So it’s yet more money-wasting model duplication which GM is famous for, plus some new cars which, so far, have fallen short of the mark. I don’t know about you, but I think the new Lucerne manages to look both ugly and cheap at the same time. How come it looked better in the promotional marketing book? But then, that’s another tradition at GM—show off photos of an upcoming model that looks really cool, then when the production vehicle finally arrives in showrooms, it looks like a plastic shoe that costs at least 15% more than it appears to be worth.

Anyway, the upshot of the last paragraph is, if this latest attempt to revitalize Buick fails, and given GM’s dire financial straits, I wonder if they’ll close down Buick next?

Meanwhile, things over at Chevy may be looking up somewhat, in at least one segment, while the situation at Pontiac is unfortunately more dour than it’s been since the mid-eighties. Chevy’s done a few things right and a few things wrong with its new budget lineup. The Aveo is really just too pathetic to even consider; you’d only buy one if you had to, and if you were in that much of a budget crunch, you could still get a much better used car that’s just a few years old for the same money. The Chevy Cobalt, meanwhile, is an apt replacement for the Cavalier that’s strangely polarizing to me. In its base trim, the Cobalt is ugly as hell, worse than the base Cavalier. But the Cobalt SS is exciting and fresh, way better than the Cavalier Z24. If I were looking at the Civic or Corolla, I’d definitely consider the Cobalt (and knowing my tastes, would most likely buy one…I mean, factory supercharger!).

Continuing in Chevy’s lineup, the new Corvette is as cool as ever, the Impala is soon getting an improved design and a rear-wheel drive platform (possibly with a V8 engine option as well), and the Monte Carlo SS is the real star—it’s what Pontiac’s Grand Prix GTP used to be; sporty looks, nice size, supercharged V6 with 240 HP. But in my opinion it’s a bit overpriced at $30,000. Still, I’d much sooner buy one of those than one of the new bulky GTPs.

Chevy’s trucks and SUVs are in worse shape; the Silverado is a great truck and the SS version is way cool, but not quite as cool as the Dodge Ram Rumblebee—and the overall design is a bit dated. The new light trucks, namely the Colorado, look ugly, like the old import trucks used to look. Most of Chevy’s SUVs are well-built but pretty nondescript, and the new ones they add are unexciting.

At Pontiac the situation is worse. Models keep disappearing, like the Firebird, Sunfire and Bonneville, but aren’t getting real (or suitable) replacements. The GTO is an almost perfect car but needs to look way more aggressive, and even the dealer-installed exterior design upgrades just don’t look right. They look ricey, not muscle carish. The Solstice roadster is phenomenal (although the aesthetics of the Saturn Sky are better) which could be a runaway hit, but as a replacement for the Sunfire which has no backseat, will it really take off? The Bonneville is just gone, nothing planned to replace it. The Grand Prix has gotten bigger to sorta file the Bonny’s shoes, and as a result it no longer interests me—too bulky, to the point of unattractiveness. When you drive it, you know you’ve got a great package with good power and good fit and finish…but it just doesn’t seem to command my attention like the last two generations of Grand Prix did. The new one almost reminds me more of the Grand Prixs from the early eighties. Pontiac is also suffering from the Olds/Buick rebadge disease, with its own near-exact copy of Chevy’s Equinox and Uplander.

Most disturbing of all is the news that the next-generation GTO, percieved by Pontiac fans as being the antidote to the blandness disease that seems to be infecting PMD, may not arrive on time—or at all. Sources inside GM report that plans for the next GTO’s Zeta platform have been scaled back, and the North American-built GTO—which was originally scheduled for the 2007 model year—may be delayed or put on hiatus. Meanwhile, rumor has it that Chevy will be getting a new Camaro-like V8 coupe (with a new name) but there will be no Pontiac sister car this time. WTF is going on with Pontiac? It’s like PMD and Chevy are switching roles. Pontiac is becoming bland and boring while Chevy gets the exciting stuff.

Anyway, these are all symptoms of the disease that’s eating away at General Motors. For every step in the right direction, they seem to put two more bullets in their feet. I only hope they can get this trend reversed in the next three years, when I’ll be looking to buy a new car. Otherwise, I will quite happily go buy a Mustang—and if Ford launches a new Mach I or some other specialty horse which throws back nicely to the muscle car style of old, I’m so there. If Bob Lutz says people don’t want that retro crap, that’s fine. I don’t have to believe it—or give him my money.

It used to be that I thought GM could do no wrong, but now I’m starting to not care. If they really want to continue acting like such idiots, I’m going to lose less and less sleep over them until one day…well, that loyalty is going to evaporate, and all I’ll have left are my fond memories (and maybe some classic GM products in the garage).