Meet Your Neighborhood Witch
I used to do this a lot—pick a “ridiculous lawsuit” story or some other tale of human idiocy from the headlines—and spout off about it. But it’s been a while since I dragged out that dog and pony show, so how about it? This story is certainly an apt choice.
One evening in Durango, CO, a couple of teenage girl friends decided to do something nice for the neighbors who live on their street. These girls sound like they come from a pretty traditional and conservative family, because rather than go to the school dance “where there might have been cursing and drinking,” they decided to bake cookies and surprise their neighbors with them. After tending to their livestock chores, the girls crafted their baked goods, cut out construction-paper hearts and included them with each delivery. I know: how 1950s, right?
Apparently the practice was not welcomed by Wanita Renea Young, one of the neighbors, who became so upset that someone was knocking on her door at 9:00 in the evening that she promptly had a full-blown anxiety attack that she, naturally, mistook for a heart attack and went screaming to the emergency room. She racked up $900 in medical bills, sued the girls’ families for an unauthorized cookie drop, and won.
“The victory wasn’t sweet,” Young said Thursday afternoon. “I’m not gloating about it. I just hope the girls learned a lesson.” Young said the girls showed “very poor judgment.”
The families had offered to pay Young’s medical bills if she would agree to indemnify the families against future claims.
Young wouldn’t sign the agreement. She said the families’ apologies rang false and weren’t delivered in person. The matter went to court.
Well, let’s see. Can you blame these poor folks for mailing her the letter of apology instead of—what, going to the old bat’s door and telling her in person? Look what a knock on the front door got their daughters! I wouldn’t touch that bitch’s house with a ten-foot pole, much less my knuckles. And the apologies “rang false?” Oooh, so it’s a conspiracy because you say it us, huh Wanita? If I could sue people because the things they said to me “rang false,” I would be a goddamn millionaire by now!
Okay, now let’s play devil’s advocate here: If someone left cookies on my doorstep, I most likely would not eat them, at least not without having them chemically tested. It sucks, but that’s the reality of today’s world. But Durango seems to be a pretty close-knit, old-fashioned community. The girls signed their deliveries as being courtesy of “The T and L club” (“T” and “L” are the girls’ initials), but that doesn’t tell people much of anything and sounds kinda freaky and cultish.
Additionally, I considered that the girls’ desire to surprise their neighbors (by not revealing their identities) was probably a bad idea. If you’re going to offer someone a nice treat you baked, why not wait for them to come to the door and then greet them personally? Wanita freaked out not because of the cookies, but because someone was banging on her door and wouldn’t answer when she called out “Who is it?”
Fine, fine. But if someone comes-a-knocking on your door and you can’t identify them, do you freak out to the point of heart failure and then order up a tremendous lawsuit? I mean, who does that kind of thing? I’m a pretty closeted person myself; I mean, I don’t like answering the door either, and if I’m not in the mood I often won’t. End of story! Why isn’t that enought for Wanita? People knock. She gets scared. So wait until they leave, which the girls eventually did—with no harm done. Is that so difficult? If so, perhaps Wanita should be on some sort of serious antipsychotic medication, because she obviously is suffering from delusions of persecution.
Christ…I really am just sick to death of disturbed individuals completely owning the American justice system. If people were able to sue God for making it rain, or ants for crawling on their kitchen counter (hey, it wouldn’t surprise me!), does that mean they should? Does a modicum of restraint or objective analysis ever come into situations like this? I know the idea of having lawsuits studied for validity goes against the all-important “freedom to act like a fuckwit” we Americans love to exercise, but COME ON.
Young said she believes that the girls should not have been running from door to door late at night.
“Something bad could have happened to them,” she said.
Yeah, something did, Wanita—you!
Categorized as Rants