Hi. I’ve decided to reactivate the fabled Oddball Land long enough to scream at the world’s stupidity for a moment. Behold.

The Detroit Free Press reports that the federal government has released an alert that two toys for children have been recalled today. One is a Batman Batmobile, which poses a risk because the sharp plastic tail fins on the back of the car can cause “treacherous maladie and upsetteth of the bodily fluids”, or some such crap. The other recall is a toy ride-on truck that’s a lot like a PowerWheels, the steering wheel of which is held on with some kind of screw and metal assembly. Of course, said screw happened to come loose on one kid’s truck and, being a kid, he ate it, and promptly choked. Interestingly, the child in question was only 18 months old, begging the question whether his parents have a fucking clue. I mean, have they not heard of Playskool or Duplo? You do NOT give a fucking PowerWheels to an 18-month-old unless you expect the child to become grotesquely injured.

Which brings me to the point of my little rant tonight: WHY, OH WHY, OH WHY, must we always blame the manufacturers of things that someone, somewhere, in some stupid little corner of the world where neuron function has apparently not been invented yet, manages to almost kill his or herself with it?

To be honest, I hadn’t even thought of this pointed interrogative, at least not until I read the following paragraph from the Free Press story:

“It is often the oldest products that present the most serious hazards,” said CPSC chairman Hal Stratton. “Hand-me downs and old children’s products may have sentimental value to parents and consumers, but more importantly they may no longer be safe to use.”

NO LONGER SAFE TO USE? Doesn’t that phrase imply that a change has taken place? These old toys and garments didn’t change their molecular structure since they were manufactured! And your parents and their grandparents managed to avoid killing themselves while using or wearing them, didn’t they? I guess the only explanation left is that kids these days just don’t measure up. Either that or their parents are lunatics, for giving things like a Real Stuff™ Jolly Jackhammer to little 18-month-old Ricky so that he can excavate his own skull.

Yeah…I know that barely qualifies as a “triumphant return to Oddball” after such a long hiatus. Truth be told I have a really long update that I’d like to post about what’s been going on lately, but just haven’t been able to find the time. It looks like tomorrow or Friday may be a little more opportune, however. Check in a little later.