NOOOOOOOOOO
You may recall the Oddball entry of a few days ago, in which I remarked with much pleasantness that I had finally been paid the $660 I was owed for a website and media kit I’d just designed. Well, I am now equally happy to report that the $660 corporate check I was written has bounced.
I have since called the publisher of the magazine for which I performed these services and left a voicemail stating that I want a callback within 24 hours explaining what has caused this check bounce (since, get this, the bank is unable to tell me because it only happened yesterday—wow I love this age of technology we live in, isn’t it great?). I have also accessed the client’s web host control panel and changed the master password, effectively locking him out. I have also created a secondary FTP login account which I can use if he panics and has the hosting company reset his password—I guarantee he’s not smart enough to discover the secondary FTP account, and you would agree if you knew this man’s track record. (He does not know how to double-click, okay. That should tell you all you need to know.)
Furthermore, I stated expressly (and rather harshly) that I wanted a callback within 24 hours for a reason. If I don’t get that callback, his website will be temporarily “wanishing”, only to be replaced with a page that says “Due to failure to remit payment, this account has been temporarily suspended.” Don’t think I won’t, children. Nobody fucks with daddy and gets away with it. He can take his fat cock and shove it up his ass and spin on it for all I care; his site is going “buh bye” until I get paid.
In my voicemail, I also told him that I expected to be paid promptly by cashier’s check for the $660 he still owes me, plus an additional $6.50 to cover the penalty charge slapped on me by the bank. (I would still love to hear someone explain the logic behind a bank penalizing the depositor for a bounced check. I really would.)
Since I do not know for certain that insufficient funds are the cause of this issue, I’m not going to haul off and send the guy an inflammatory e-mail, wrend his site limb from limb, delete all his files, or anything else like that. Of course I just LOVE the fact that this is a holiday week, so the guy has an easy out—“Oh, it’s Thanksgiving, the banks aren’t open; I can’t do anything for you. You’ll have to wait.” Yeah, lap it up, stumpfuck. Because your website is gonna be closed for the holiday too, unless you use the one remaining business day that you’ve got to explain to me what the fuck is going on.
He’s getting another call at 6:30 p.m. tomorrow evening, which will say “You have two hours to return this call, and then I am removing your website from the live server until this issue has been straightened out.”
This incident has just forced me to add another line-item to my list of requirements for all future freelance work, which now reads:
- You will pay me 50% of the estimated cost up front.
- Upon completion and signoff, your website does not go online until the remaining 50% is paid.
- Payment will only be accepted in the form of a certified bank check, money order, or cash.
Way to ruin it for the rest of my customers there, hill scoggin.
Oh yeah, one more thing…
Categorized as Rants