Ford Excursion: Not Dead After All
Longtime readers of my rants and musings may remember a piece of news I submitted way back over a year ago, stating that Ford was planning to axe the Excursion—its mammoth-size SUV—after the 2003 model year. This was on my previous website, two revisions ago in fact. Well, just the other day, I came out to my car after work and saw a great big Ford Excursion parked two spaces away from it. It’s the magnetic Excursion. The guy’s a seasonal resident, and I always know the winter crowd is on their way back in when he shows up. He always parks way out in the back of the lot where my Trans Am sits all alone, and always two spaces away from my car. (At least he’s courteous enough to leave some room!)
Anyway, seeing that behemoth reminded me of the article I posted, telling of the Excursion’s impending doom. I wondered whatever had become of that plan—I’m still seeing Excursions at Ford dealers, and no further word has come forth. Well, my questions were answered by this afternoon’s web update of the Detroit Free Press, in an article on the subject of the Excursion’s fate.
Apparently, Ford has given the “giant middle finger” (my pet name for the Excursion) a stay of execution. Seems they’re still making enough of a profit on the vehicle’s flagging sales to justify its continued production. Then the numbers come out: Ford’s only selling 2,000 Excursions a month. But Ford Division President Steve Lyons admits that “even if sales go to 1,000 we could keep it in the lineup.”
Damn. That must be one HELL of a retail markup.
Of course, an article about a big SUV wouldn’t be complete without a reference to the environmental impact of said vehicle. Hence, from the article:
As the most humongous SUV sold in the United States—nearly 19 feet long and weighing about 7,200 pounds—the Excursion was attacked by those who accused Ford of environmental irresponsibility. Before Excursion’s 1999 introduction, the Sierra Club dubbed it the “Ford Valdez”—a reference to the Exxon tanker that ran aground near Alaska in 1989.
But that was before General Motors Corp.’s 8,600-pound Hummer H2—so hefty it isn’t covered by national fuel-economy rules—hit the streets and won the wrath of the nation’s environmentalists.
“The danger is that today they want to do away with big SUVs,” Lyons told Ward’s. “Tomorrow will it be big houses?”
Oh please. The pithy arguments of the pro-SUV support groups. Big houses, Mr. Lyons, do not come flying at you at 80 miles an hour. Big houses do not tailgate other houses one-fifth their size. Big houses do not create safety hazards when they are owned and operated by simpletons. Christ.
Of course, this gets to the heart of my hatred for SUVs. Unlike your typical environmentalist wackos or those terrorists from groups like the Earth Liberation Front or whatever the hell it’s called, I’m not against SUVs because of their fossil-slurping tendencies. No, like a vengeance-bent father whose child was murdered before his eyes, I want to stamp out these automotive blights because they killed my Firebird. The humongous, profit-sucking potential, the greedy allure of all those big-ticket sales, caused GM to cancel the F-platform in favor of producing more trucks and truck-like vehicles—the Chevy SSR, for instance. They also wanted to make more room for production of Chevy Tahoes and GMC Yukons. You fuckers! YOU KILLED MY CAR!
Excuse me. Sometimes I still get emotional.
By the way, I haven’t recently checked into the status of the St. Therese production facility in Quebec, where the Camaro and Firebird have been assembled since 1993. At one time they were going to just shut down the plant and lay everyone off, but I believe that last I heard, they were going to convert the plant into a production facility for more SUVs. If true, it would be the ultimate insult. Like the murderer buying the father’s house, the same house where he killed the man’s son, and living in it.
Anyway, I thought I should bring the update on the Excursion’s fate to your attention. And, if you’re thinking of buying one of these things, perhaps this might help you see just how much money you’re putting right into the pockets of the Ford executives. 1,000 units a month, enough to sustain the hideous production costs of a truck that big? Can you say “ripoff?”
Categorized as Cars